http://sitdiary.net/oopsydaisy/

http://www.livejournal.com/users/wewazcoolsville/

Cool,  i've decided over the past 5 days or so that The Bends is my favorite radiohead album. I've been reflecting over all of the benifits that came out of my summer friendships. one of which was radiohead. come to think of it most of it was music. Inherited tastes and quirks. so, while reflecting on the above, i realized what we had in common were interests, not personalities, which was why it was so fun but short.

i suppose that was pretty useless, just thinking out loud i guess. It's nice to occupy my mind with something other then death.

Soo, this will be a good personal pity outlet. i'm not sure if pity quite cuts it.

i think it's rather sick that it's taken me over a week to cry about it. i actually think it's heartless and unhealthy.

so, here's the buzz, in the best way i can currently think to phrase it.

my grandfather will be dead this time next week. if he's lucky that is. Word has it that he won't last until friday. will, sight has it too. he looks horrible. He looked absolutetly terrible yesterday. it's like, he got his second wind when we came, and it just took everything out of him. Apperently he has two types of cancer, one of which is mylomia? mynomia? i only heard it a few times, he was uncomfortable talking around me. When he could talk. He sounds like a stroke victim. AND WHAT THE FUCK everyone in that family is worried about themselves and their father is DYing. i could understand a very stone response. i can understand either completely breaking down, ignoring and avoiding, running away, or just dealing with it without any emotion. but it's not even that. At first i thought that they were too overwhelmed. but the more time i spent with them the more i realized what horrible shallow people they are. i wanted to rip my hair out.

anyway.

god this sucks. I missed Laurel's visit to LO, i'm continueing to realize my what exactly my relationship with my mom is, my mom is out of work, my grandpa, whom i hadn't been able to see in over 5 years thanks to a messy partial divorce, dying, my stepuncle dead, and my dad hasn't been seen in the last 2 months by anyone.

most of this has happened within the last 2 weeks.

i think the only thing going really great is my relationship. and my friends. as always the two things that hold me together. Paul picked me up at the airport. It helped alot.

holywhatthehellFUCK

So, Awesome, my picture works. when did that happen.

well. that's pretty cool.